Thursday, May 17, 2012

Don't Touch Me, Weirdo.

For some strange reason, it turns out that everyone on the Peninsula hasn't been notified that my dad died. This sucks, because it leads to conversations like this one. All brain thoughts appear in (parenthesis).

Me: "I'm dropping off my car to get the oil changed. I will pick it up tomorrow."

7,000 Year Old Car Man: "Oh ho ho Young Lady! You've only put on a few miles! You don't need your oil changed! (Aren't I clever and dapper?!)"

::puts his hand on my arm. wants to be friends. I back away as I would from an annoying, annoying snake.::

Me: "If I don't get the oil changed will it void my warranty? (Oh, for God's sakes!! It's 5:30 pm, and I only just changed out of my pajamas!! I spent the whole day watching TV and crying! Just take my money and leave me alone!)"

7,0000 Y.O. Car Man: "(I am so helpful and clever!) INFORMATION ABOUT CARS I DID NOT ASK FOR THAT HE TELLS ME EVERY TIME I GET MY OIL CHANGED"

This monologue lasts for approximately three weeks, during which he constantly tries to stand as close to me as possible. He wasn't hitting on me; he was just being super weird.

Me: "...if I don't get the oil changed will it void my warranty? (I literally don't have the ability to deal with this right now, and I swear to God I will drop the Dead Dad card on you. Don't make me do it. Don't make me do it!!!!)"

Car Man: "No, and here's why...(I cannot wait to tell this young lady all about the glorious world of cars!)"

Me: "Ok. I'm going to leave now. (Thank you Jesus for restraining me from killing that man or bursting into tears in front of all of these people.)"

That man has no idea how close he was to having a weeping, screaming woman in his autobay. He should thank Baby Jesus I didn't freak out on his ass. I just don't have the ability to deal with anything difficult right now.

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